Sunday, June 6, 2010

37 weeks, 4 days complete

It's hard to believe that in a matter of days I'll have a new baby. Time stands still while moving quickly. I am yearning to meet this little one... not knowing who he or she is or how they will fit into our family but intrinsically knowing that when we meet them we will have known them all along.

I take this time to feel my body, knowing it will be the last time I feel a baby inside of me. Knowing it's the right thing for me now. While pregnant with Claire I spent a lot of time thinking "this is the last time I'll _________" and I felt so sad about it. I don't feel that way now and it's good.

This baby spends a lot of time tickling my right hip... I'm not quite sure of it's position and I'm honestly trying not to worry about it knowing it's too early to matter anyway. This baby also hiccups more than Claire and Walter and maybe even as much as Arden did. When it first happens I laugh while enjoying the feel of it and then after 5 minutes or so I'm sick of it and become kind of woozy from the movement. But I want to remember these feelings and take them with me for all the rest of my days... knowing that I have done something that I had wanted for so long.

I spend my days knitting, cleaning, mothering and napping while I wait. I talk to Chris and try to tell him all of my fears without being fearful. We'll be happy to have the birth be over with and the baby safely here. Having had it go wrong in the past shows us just how delicate of a process birth is. By design we are made to do it but one intervention can change all of that, altering one's life forever. It's not that I know without a doubt what was the deciding factor in determining Walter's birth injuries but my intuition tells me it all started with breaking my bag of waters.


  1. thinking about you and that baby...

  2. you made me cry, I miss you and love you.
    keep in touch, hope to visit you soon!